Life in Overload

So, at the beginning of 2015, I promised some sort of New Year's update....ringing in the new and casting off the old, or something like that.  And, I intended on it, but as always, the time got away from me....life got in the way....things happen.  A lot happened.  After awhile, it felt like I'd been writing this entry for at least six months, and then I realized I had.  And then I backed off...and then it was almost 2016, so I decided to wait.  And reflect.  And now I have pages of randomly typed thoughts and feelings....semi-sober, deep down, and at times heartfelt/heart wrenching thoughts and feelings.  What a ride it's been......

It started with a race....

I rang in the new year doing the thing I love most....which ended up being my first 50-miler and fourth ultra of 2014.  It was fun and tough and boring and great all at once.  And, somewhere along the way, I learned that AIDS Marathon friends are some of my best friends.  Something that I think I've always known, but forget to be thankful for.  I also learned that 50 miles on pavement and gravel takes its toll on the human body and ended up staring down a knee injury for most of the year. That was an adventure in and of itself, a nagging, not-that-painful-but-I-know-its-not-normal adventure, requiring rest and PT, and two rounds of prolotherapy and a platelet injection.

Then, life threw me a curve ball...or kicked me in the shins...or both.  I thought I knew the trajectory I was meant to be on, but turns out - life had other plans.  And, sometimes, as hard as it is, knowing when to let go is just as important as continuing to hold on.  I feel like there is so much I could say, but, as I also learned, some things are better left unsaid.  Things happened and it wasn't ok and in my opinion, unforgivable.  But, sometimes it's all about letting go and moving on.

Because, you never know what adventure you'll find once you do.  Right now, I'm still not sure what that is yet.  But, I get to figure that out, and I am so excited for that.  Sometimes you have to let go of the planned finish line ...just like a race.  You'll still get to there, it just might look like Coyote Ride or the North Face in 2014, and be a little different than you imagined.

It continued with a race...

Starting out the year with an injury and a healthy dose of stress was no fun, but I quickly found a way to stay involved with running and started volunteering again.  It was something that I'd loved, but had given up in the craziness of work and school.  As I got more involved in my free time over the summer, I learned to mark and sweep courses, and drive a giant van up and down some winding roads.  I had so much fun exploring new trails and helping other runners...In the absence of all I knew, I found somewhere new to belong and something to focus energy on.

And, not to be out done, the back half of the year had to give the first half a run for its money.  Whether I was getting re-acquainted with a certain fashion novel or finding out what happens when slimer gets in a fight with a Toyota Tacoma (nothing good), I began to anxiously await the arrival of 2016.  I'm not sure why, something about turing the page, casting off the old, and bringing in the new felt fresh and necessary.  Then, when I thought it was over, I had the opportunity to cross driving down the freeway with the flu off my bucket list (also not good).  Since it's not 2016 yet, I suppose I should knock on something.....

It ended with a race....

I plan to end 2015 (and then begin 2016) with the same race I ended 2014 with. Though this time, I'll be working at it, not running it. Racing for me is on hold until March and then April - the race lottery odds were somehow in my favor and I 'won' entrance in to both Way Too Cool and Lake Sonoma, hopefully an omen of good things to come in 2016.  I've spent the past week and a half (feels like forever) resting, so my silly ankles could heal, my body could get a much needed break, and I can get back at it in the new year.  Bring it on lottery of pain, bring it on.

This year is nothing I'd sign up for again, I might dare say it's been the toughest of my life.  But, looking back, I'm amazed at how much I've learned and how differently I look at certain things now.  The importance of taking things one day at time....celebrating the small victories....forgiving yourself...standing up for yourself. Stopping to smell the roses....climbing up one more hill...taking the long way home.  That wine just might be a food group - sometimes it needs to be, and that's ok.  The importance of surrounding yourself with things and people that make you happy.  And if you just keep moving, eventually you'll be moving forward.

And, above all, the biggest thing I learned is that I have a stronger support network than I ever realized and I will forever be grateful.  I had listening ears when I needed to talk, advice when I didn't know what to do (or just needed confirmation), and smiles when all I wanted was to frown.  I always had a rock, a safety net, and everything in between. Perhaps that cheesy car commercial has a point - when it's dark enough, you can see stars.

So, here's to 2016.  Here's to good times with family and friends.  To new adventures and new races.  To my continued understanding that everything happens for a reason....and hopefully to understanding what that reason is.

Thinking of Nepal

One year ago today, I was on a plane to Korea - final destination, Kathmandu, Nepal and the trek of a life-time.  Today, I woke up to text messages and emails about a 7.8 magnitude earthquake hitting the region.  To put it in perspective, the Loma Prieta, the '89 earthquake that hit San Francisco, was a 6.9.  The Napa quake that caused quite a bit of damage late last year was a 6.0.  A 7.8 in California would do a lot of damage....in Nepal, it's been catastrophic.  

I took the below photo on our first day out and about.  We'd just finished touring our first Durbar Square (basically the word for palace in Nepal) and were enjoying lunch at a rooftop restaurant.  I took the photo because I liked watching the people in the street below....and there was just something about the multi-colored building across the way.

I found this picture of the same area online this morning.  I recognized the colored building right away.  However, most everything else, including the building I was standing on it seems, is gone.

photo credit: http://time.com/3835621/nepal-earthquake-pictures/ 

It's unsettling to know that many, if not all, of the historical places I visited around Kathmandu are gone, if not forever changed.  From the first day exploring Kathmandu on a seven mile walk to the tour we took with Ron Jon (totally not how it's supposed to be spelled, but that's how I remember it ;)), all of those would be completely different if we took them this year....if that would even be possible now.

And that was before the trek even started.  I read an article somewhere that said the small villages were 80% damaged.  I tried to look for further information, but was unable to find any.  Not really surprising....communication and internet and phone were difficult enough to come by during normal times, I can't imagine now.  Are the lodges we stayed in still standing....in any sort of shape that's reparable?  Are the people who showed us nothing but kindness safe?  I can't help but think of the woman who ran the lodge at Lobuche and knitted wool hats to sell as souvenirs.  She had a horse for rent and let me charge all of my electronic gadgets for the hourly fee, even though they ran over the hour.  Or Namche....what of the bartender who served celebratory beers on the way down, who had moved from Queens, NY, after her Sherpa husband.  And the souvenir shop owners who sold us most of our gifts....and told us we could store it in our guide's house while we were trekking....haha.  I can only hope that they're all safe and able to repair their homes and businesses.

And that's not saying anything of the guides, porters, and kitchen boys who were with us every step of the way.  From the 'sherpa saunas' to clear my congestion to a hand up to the top of Kala Patthar to all twenty-some of them rushing out to say goodbye as we made one last trek to the Lukla airport, nothing was overlooked and they always made sure we had exactly what we needed.  I can only hope, pray, and send positive thoughts that they and their families are safe.

We've reached out via email, but haven't heard back yet.  Of course, internet will be very difficult to come by, and they're trekking with a group, so I'm sure have lots to sort out with their current group.  One of my fellow trekkers checked the site, and we think the schedule puts them somewhere near Gorak Shep, the highest point of the trek.  Hopefully it was Kala Patthar day and they would have been heading back down at the time of the quake.

All the places I've traveled have been special to me.  Nepal, first because of the people and second because of the history.  Never have I been somewhere that just about everyone treated you like one of their own.  I hope that they are able to rebuild and that people continue to travel there, because it truly was a life-changing experience.